I Love Old People

If I could give you one tip it would be this: quit your jobs and go work in a retirement home!

Imagine inheriting 50 grandparents who are thrilled to have a fresh, young face around. You know how your grandmother sends you a card with $10 for birthdays and holidays? Wouldn't it be awesome if a bunch of grandmothers sent you $10? It is. Evidentally grandmothers love doing this. Whether they're your grandmother is unimportant.

But it's not just the cash rewards. Since I started work a month ago, life here has been nothing but muffins, chocolates, cupcakes, banana loaf, pumpkin loaf, carrot cake, peanut butter cups and walnut carmels. Gumbo and ribs, fried chicken, potato salad, and nachos. The residents do the majority of their Christmas shopping at See's candies and their relatives, grateful for the staff's neverending patience, bake and bake and bake and cook and cook and cook.

My boss even taught me the proper way to eat ribs: wrap the juicy goodness in white bread and devour. This makes it healthier. She also taught me the only place to buy ribs: LA. Seemed like a broad location, but she explained "LA" means anywhere near Slauson and Crenshaw. She says it's a place where white people can often be found timidly and awkwardly trying to order ribs.

Then there's the entertainment. The day begins with chair yoga. Not really a lot of yoga involved, but there are wrist circles, and head turns, which for most residents leads to chair napping. There are often visiting singing groups, some charming, many horrendous. It's fun to watch the residents looks of disdain when they don't like a performer. FYI, just because they're old doesn't mean they like cheeseball entertainment. Bingo is the most popular and serious of the activities. NEVER interfere with bingo, they will kill you.

But my absolute favorite part is the endless conversations with the residents. There's the lady who calls every movie "sticky", there's the lady who forgets where she is and asks for rolls of paper and tinfoil. There's the lady who loves to gossip and there's the lady with asian silk bathrobes. I know she has a past in espionage and intrigue. She bought me chocolates. I like her.

I didn't go to college for this. I started this because it was on craigslist. But I like it. I'm gonna go eat cake with my new grandmas.

Merry Christmas,

Heidi