I don't know about you, but sometimes my inner monologue is a bitch. This morning I woke up with a voice in my head saying, "Well, you're going to have a crappy day. Why haven't you been taking better care of yourself? You need to write more. You need to sleep more. You need to call your family more. You need to eat better. You need to be perfect. You're not perfect. Why aren't you perfect?" In these moments, this inner voice is usually so convincing I believe her and for the rest of the day wallow in the realization of all my flaws and shortcomings. Fortunately, I always come out of it. That is the cycle, my inner monologue knocks me out, I struggle on the ground for a bit, then the real me finds strength and knocks the bitch out, until she wakes up again and round and round we go. After years of experience with the evil inner monologue, I have learned some tricks to keep the visits short:
1) I tell myself I am Beyonce: I understand that Beyonce is human, but I don't fully believe it. It is hard for me to believe that Beyonce has the evil inner monologue. I think her inner monologue says, "Damn, girl, keep doin your thing. Your fierceness is indisputable."
2) I watch Janeane Garofalo stand up. She makes cookie-cutter perfection seem super uncool, which makes me feel super cool. I also like to pretend it's 1995. I liked 1995.
3) I listen to music. I don't think I need to explain how listening to music works.
4) I see The Pee Wee Herman Show Live. Ok, I don't usually do this, but I did this weekend. I didn't realize how much I missed hearing, "I know you are, but what am I." I missed Miss Yvonne and her fabulousness, I missed the word of the day and I missed the giant tin foil ball. It's difficult to feel anything other than joy while watching this wacky world.
Hey, if you're having a day like me. Look at the above picture of Beyonce and listen to these songs (It is similar to pouring salt on a slug, and then shooting it with a 'Shotgun'. You've done that before right?): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMs9NudasVI
You know what? I think I knocked the bitch out. 'Til next time beee-yotch.
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